So the good brother Panama Jackson over at Very Smart Brothers (VSB) wrote a piece about how the fellas don’t show up in big numbers at events. Day parties, brunches, poetry slams and the like are disproportionately populated with gorgeous educated women, that are bound to be your next wife. Or at least your girlfriend, bae or bae-in-training.
So there was a ton of reaction to the piece all over the interwebz last week and it seems no one could crack the code as to why. I have some commentary which I will share with you.
- A lot of the events aren’t events guys are interested in. Guys tend to be high energy, so if there isn’t loud music, opportunities to get inebriated or yell at a screen of some sort then most guys just aren’t going to roll.
- A lot of guys aren’t as sophisticated as they lead themselves on to be. A lot of guys who fit the above description don’t really want to be “cultured.” There’s no knock on them, they just haven’t been exposed to it with the right people.
- Many of the women aren’t bougie, but many are stuck up and elitist which makes them unattractive and unapproachable. No one wants to be at an event with a bunch of these types of women.
- As per #3, a lot of these events look like the cool kids table in high school. People aren’t actually connecting. More selfies, IG and snapchatting than anything. Most dudes aren’t trying to solo a group of women like that. No one wants to get curved that hard.
- TBH, guys also may be playing the field. Many aren’t comfortable with a day time event where the creeping is easily identifiable. While there’s nothing negative about talking to multiple women to gauge interest, if a woman sees a guy talk to another woman, she immediately crosses him off the list.
5 Cont’d. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t want a guy to be a hunter/approacher/courter but then be bothered by him working through his options. Maybe he didn’t see you first/yet. Maybe if you as a woman stopped being super subtle and sending morse code signals than maybe you’d get the attention you’re looking for.
So for most guys these types of events represent many levels of pitfalls that most guys don’t want to deal with. It’s just easier to “turn up with bros”, drink Henny and let the chips fall where they may.
Moral of the story is the ladies, since they dominate the attendance at these events, need to 1) make the environment more inviting to the male experience and 2) be more approachable if they in fact are available. (Which will help the cause for #1).
…Or you could make it to one of the Mr. Refined events and you won’t have that issue…